I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
