Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You're like the curious george of whores
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
