hotel room ftw
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
