I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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