she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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