Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were trust falling into bushes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize