Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
