ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize