Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
