OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
