had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
