it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
