actually, I'm a sock model
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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