TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize