the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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