First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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