Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dude. I can hear the air.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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