I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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