meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
