He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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