I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
