i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's Friday. Sex?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think my vagina is haunted
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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