:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
