Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
