Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
MIDGETS
????
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
