heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
