New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is Oprah even human
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize