i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
