Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
