Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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