I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
