some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize