she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
