Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
