2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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