honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
