I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
