the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
