Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just high enough for therapy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
