I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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