You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
