I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
