Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
