If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuck me I smell like cheese
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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