I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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