i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
