You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
