Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize