Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
