Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
