can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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