Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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