You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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