he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
