the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize