glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
