Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
