ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
