i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize