all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
