I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize