I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
