You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
