At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
