remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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