This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
