you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
